Monday, December 28, 2009

I will admit it I am in love with the toadies.

It is probably one of my favourites off the newer album, and is so very good live.
and then there is the title track. not my favourite toadies track but awesome live.

I will admit I listen to the Toadies a lot, but today is getting a little out of hand. Like we are talking when I ran out of studio/live recordings of their to listen to (77ish songs if you count singles, released as "albums" plus various youtube live recordings) I switched over to Burden_Brothers which is fronted by Vaden and thus sounds very familiar, if a little softer.
At the end of the day though no one can fill that soft spot in my heart like Vaden Todd Lewis, Mark Reznicek, Lisa Umbarger, and Clark Vogler could. Although Doni is definitely growing on me.
So some of that may come across a little gay, but seriously. The Toadies are amazing.

He plays one role

But he plays it pretty well

kinda want to see this.

from photography is not a crime.

One of the blogs I check on a very regular basis is photography is not a crime usually to keep up on my first amendment photographers rights cases and the occasional police brutality article. Yesterday, however, he posted this bit of awesomeness.


Sunday, December 27, 2009

Because I havent been posting nearly enough weird shit in the past few days

I clearly have the wrong hobbies.

Just a tiny bit of time on the website Hawtness has taught me that clearly the ridiculously cute women are nerdy, which is kinda hot in of itself.

Of course this girl sells silencers. So maybe I should just get more into the whole shooting thing. (P.S. for a blog waay cooler. Advanced Armament Corp.)

Friday, December 25, 2009

its Christmas!

because you didn't already feel awkward.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Dear fellow Virginians,

          We really don't get much snow so on Sunday I really wasn't that mad when you were confused. On Monday, I thought well they must not have been out on Sunday and just didn't know what to expect. On Tuesday it was obvious that you had been a little bitch and called out on Monday and all this salt and slush frightened you. But today, today is Wednesday, today there is no excuse, today the major roads are 99.9% plowed and salted, today your fellow drivers are driving like they didn't finish drivers ed last week.  Yet you, you for some reason have chosen to drive ten miles under the already low speed limit. You have forgotten that if on the off chance you do hit a patch of ice slamming on the breaks will only make things worse. You have forgotten to go into 90* turns at a slower than normal speed when going from a plowed to un-plowed road. You have decided that the snowbank on the side of the road looks like an excellent place to attempt to bypass traffic, instead of waiting like your fellow more rational drivers.You are an idiot.

How is it that on my very short trip from Bealeton to Manassas today I saw two idiots fuck up their day, one of which appeared to be major in that a car had its whole front end crushed in facing the wrong way in a parking lot entrance? The other minor in that some asshat decided rather than waiting to make his turn like everyone else, bypassed traffic by popping his 4x4 up on the snow bank was a great idea. Fortunately captain douche wipe got stuck.

Tomlinson had the right idea, dumb people deserve hatchets.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Baileys Irish Cream and Coke

The moment the coke hit the Baileys I knew that this was either going to be awesome or a let down. Almost immediately the foaming action started. This in theory sounds awesome what would be better than foamy minty alcoholic coke?

Apparently a lot of things. While the foam bit wasn't bad, it wasn't very rewarding. Neither was it slacking my thirst, or my mental capacity. Both of which are pretty strong goals right now as there is a mass of snow outside, and I don't own a sled. Anyways the real problems started when I got down to that strange liquid goop that settled at the bottom. It pretty much tasted like paint thinner, only without the pleasant aftertaste. All of this of course left me wishing that I had bought hot chocolate packets while I was out yesterday, and reverted me back to an old favorite. Jameson and coke.

Having read the wiki article I now know what I drank in the Netherlands is known to be lethal, which leads me to believe that I am stronger than a Dutchman. Of course I also learned that there is a drink known as a cement mixer which, defiantly makes me question myself because there is no way I'm even nearly bad ass enough to intentionally have that reaction going on in my mouth.

Long story short, I really need something to do today or it is likely I will poison myself trying to mix Baileys Irish Cream with things to see if it will work. Next attempt Baileys over snow?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Look! They're break dance fighting!

Next year will be a good year. I'm not just saying that trying to be optimistic, but because there are a whole slew of new games coming out.
Arkham Asylum 2, Force Unleashed 2, Halo: Reach.... the list goes on and on. As you may have noticed these are mostly sequels. Get over it, you don't want anything new.

Can somebody please teach me to break dance? It looks awesome.

Anyways, the funny part of that video, is not the video itself (which is funny). Rather, the comments left for it.

Nothing to see here....

If you want to smack me for that terrible pun before the video you can. (not really, i'll probably cry... or pee myself)

I don't know if anybody has noticed, but we (probably just me), are stuck to our phones. I personally love my phone, but not in a creepy way. Today I was struck with a three hour span where I did not have my phone. Then, when i got it working again it didn't want to make calls for me. Needless to say, I was traumatized. Lucky for me, nobody tried to contact me in the few hours I was phoneless. I can attribute this to one of two thing.
1. You were all sleeping (doubtful)
2. Your phone died as well (the more likely of the two)

P.s. Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale is like christmas in your mouth.

(zombie blog tomorrow, needed to ramble tonight)

Friday, December 11, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Zombie survival guide part 2

DC/ZC is just over a week away now. (which incidentally i posted the wrong like not, the correct link is HERE)

So I bring you part 2 of my survival guide.

2. Why a gun won't save your life.

Seems counter-intuitive doesn't it? But when you really get down to it you can see just how impractical a gun is.

First and foremost, zombies are awesome. So awesome that they almost aren't worth killing(re-killing?). So obviously we have to do something even more awesome to rid ourselves of the inconvenience the present us. It may seem cool to shoot a gun and blow their heads off, blow them up etc... etc... But it really comes down to the fact that with a little training anyone can use a gun. And thats just scary.

Once your dolt of a friend/ survival buddy has a gun you have to rely on them not to shoot you. That means you have to trust them. Obviously this can't be accomplished because at some point or another they will probably betray you, shoot you or just leave you because your a slow ass. You just can't have this.

So now your probably wondering "well gee, what could I possibly use that alleviates me of the problem of this dolt shooting me?"

Two words : Melee weapons.

This may seem like some kind of movie or video game idea, but stick with me here. First and foremost you no longer have to worry about getting shot on accident (or on purpose if no one likes you). Second you look really cool when your carrying a sword, axe, tire iron etc... It's a fact.

So as you can see melee weapons are the obvious solution to all your weapon problems in the impending zombie epidemic. Unless you get caught in a giant horde of them. In which case you will want to check back soon for:

Part 3: Cars, why they will kill you faster than your recently deceased friends.

(as previously stated you probably shouldn't take my advice if a zombie outbreak does occur. Also these tips are not suitable for a bear infestation either)

how andrew spent his summer

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Sometimes I have a tendency to obsess to excess.

After having “proof read” this post I feel I should begin by mentioning that I am not sponsored by any product I am about to wax on for several very long paragraphs, but should my preferred company happen to read this I would be very happy to become a spokesperson. I am really quite thin and attractive and would make an excellent face for the franchise to expand.

This is a post about Mayonnaise.

To be specific Dukes Mayonnaise.

To those of you not from the south this may seem like more of my insane ramblings, but not all mayonnaise is created equal. At the very bottom of the tub you have your mayowhips/mayo, basically any mayonnaise where they cant be bothered to spell out the word “Mayonnaise”. Above this you have your whipped mayonnaise, while having proper branding a whipped mayonnaise much like a whipped cream cheese fails to satisfy. Only slightly above this are your average store/off brands, while often economical and usually not terrible these are often too sweet or are slightly off texture wise. One of the most commonly available and more acceptable brands is Hellmann's, none of that light nonsense mind you because light just ain't right, but Hellmanns is a pretty good mayonnaise. They have the texture down, just the right amount of sweetness. Being recognized as on of the first brands of mayonnaise to be bottled and sold commercially, however, I would expect nothing less.

This is not, however, a post about any of these inferior mayonnaises. No this is a post about the Ruler of Mayonnaise. One might be inclined to call it the Duke of Mayonnaise, in fact that is pretty close to what it is since it is Duke's Mayonnaise.  Dukes Mayonnaise was created in 1917 in Greenville, South Carolina a fact which is completely non-essential for this story, beyond the fact that this makes it until recently available almost exclusively in the south, which is relevant.

When I was a kid my family (my mom and thus the rest of us) were vegetarians, something I did not necessarily enjoy. Especially since when ever I was with my Grandparents I was allowed to eat meat. So when this vegetarian ban was lifted by my moving in with my Grandmother (who like most grandmothers to their grandsons is quite possibly the greatest woman to have ever entered my life) at the age of eight I developed an almost unhealthy obsession with turkey sandwiches.

To me the art of making the sandwich was almost as important as eating it. From the bottom one would start with a slice of home made bread (did I mention how amazing my grandmother is? She seriously made bread every weekend so I could use it to make my sandwiches during the week.) only slightly toasted, just enough so that outside of the bread was crisp and had a bit of crunch to it, but not enough to take away from the soft texture that only the best bread can have. Then you would take two pieces of lettuce making sure to only have a slight amount of overhang. This was followed by pickles, it was very important to go lettuce then pickles otherwise your bread would get soggy. Then five slices of turkey breast, followed by one slice of provolone cheese. And finally you would put a large dollop of Duke's Mayonnaise on the top slice of bread enough so that when you squeezed it down atop the sandwich it would almost run over and drip out. This my friends is the perfect turkey sandwich.

After I moved back in with my mom the homemade bread would be replaced by an everything bagel. But the key ingredients remained the same. Right up until 1999 when my family made the wacky decision of moving to Fauquier, prior to this I had lived predominantly in Richmond where Duke's was in every store, and in Vienna/Fairfax City where at the time it was available if you looked. In this new setting though it seemed to be part of the south Duke's was horrifically missing, and I was forced to settle on blue ribbon (hellmann's). At first this was a hard change for me, one that bothered me each and every time I ate a sandwich, coleslaw, broccoli or eggs (yes I used to put mayonnaise on my broccoli and eggs).

As time went by, however, I slowly began to forget about my childhood love affair with Duke's Mayonnaise. Reminiscing on it from time to time when a discussion of premier condiments was raised. For a point I even believed that Duke's must surely have been discontinued, having bounced around the state and country and not seeing it available. This was until tonight, when while shopping for my new sandwich obsession (tuna fish gross I know but it is so Delicious) I noticed proudly displayed in the mayonnaise section Duke's Mayonnaise needless to say I immediately was filled with a sense of both longing and nostalgia and though I have half a container of the inferior Hellmann's at home I purchased a one qt bottle of this manna from the southern gods and took it to a loving home.

The question of course at this point being does Duke's Mayonnaise, live up to my childhood memories or will it like the playground behind Flint Hill Elementary school let me down after all these years. The answer is no, no it does not. Its texture, leaves nothing to be desired, it is the perfect balance of being creamy without being to heavy and bogging the sandwich down. And as remembered it is not a sweet mayonnaise, instead having a subtle taste that adds that perfect kick to the taste buds but doesn't leave a lingering aftertaste. It balances out my simple turkey sandwich. although over the years I have also come to enjoy adding shredded carrots to the mix from time to time, and using the pickles that are long slices instead of the little circles. This is my childhood in edible form, and oh my is it delicious.

Monday, December 7, 2009

MIKE O'Meara!
Mike and the guys are back with Oscar in tow as well! Go Listen! NOW!

lorne michaels obviously reads this blog.

Also I have no idea who Blake Lively is beyond IMDB telling me she has been in a lot of movies I have no interest in watching, but she looks very nice in a red dress.
Also  I really don't like Bill Hader at all. He is not funny. Seriously. He makes a terrible animal, he makes a terrible Custer, he is all around a terrible impressionist, and not a funny comedian. If you are only going to play one roll and pretend it is multiple at least be good at it. Being loud and obnoxious isn't funny by the third time I've seen it. I hate Kenan Thompson but at least he tries to play different characters every time, and honestly the majority of the reason I cant stand him is every time he talks all I can hear is "Welcome to good burger, home of the good burger, can I take your order?". Which in his defence though a terrible movie is predominantly my sisters fault because after she saw it there was a solid month where that was her catch phrase.

Man, I totally forgot how awesome teenage driven comedies were back in the day. No where in that entire sketch did anyone break out into song or worry about being preggo. Seriously guys, I am over the singing teenagers and you are all just encouraging them by watching this nonsense...I watched this "Glee" that you all love so much. The story line is idiotic and predictable, the renditions of songs disappointing, and they are trying far too hard.
Moral of the story you need to watch better tv
here is your veiwing list for the week.
Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Modern Family
30 Rock
Minor deviations from this list are permissible only if it is a long running show, does not involve singing, and at least over half of the cast is over the age of 25. Cartoons are allowed if they do not involve four main characters that always get themselves into wacky situations full of  nonsequiturs, and there is no chance of a cartoon upskirt/downblouse.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Bring it around town... bring it around tooooowwnn!

In light of DCZC being just around 2 weeks away, I will be giving advice on how to survive a zombie invasion. (disclaimer: if zombies ever do happen, i'm sorry if this advice doesn't help) I will be giving said advice every few days for the next few days. (Cheap way of making it look like i'm writing a lot) So without further ado, i bring you part 1 of my zombie survival guide.

1. Always bring someone along that you can run faster than/ don't care about.

Now this may seem cruel hearted but given the circumstances you will need to do whatever it takes. Besides, I'm sure you would rather not be eaten.

Whats that you say? You don't have anyone you can bring with you that fits that description? Well in that case you may need to look to friends of friends and/or spouses of friends. Said friends may be mad at you at first but they will thank you later when they come out of the zombie apocalypse unscathed. Just remind them that they were to good for him/her, or that their brother was a real dick.

If all else fails and you are desperate for someone slower than you in your group you may need to resort to injuring whoever you like the least. Again, this may seem cruel, but the ends justify the means. It also helps if you can get another person in your group to believe what you are doing is the right choice. Strength in numbers.

That is it for the first tip in my Zombie survival series... more to come. In the mean time head over to DC Zombie Crawls website: .

Now onto to other more important things.

Duck face. I thought i had covered this issue enough last time I wrote about it, but I guess not. People that I thought were friends have started dating/seeing/becoming duckfacers. Cut it out.
That is all on that.

Why are people convinced they are Mayan shamans?

Unless you look like the above picture, you are not a Mayan shaman. Sure, my research for what one looks like may only be Google image searching Mayan shamans, but i feel like thats more time and effort than you have put into finding out what they look like.

Maybe one day this blog will be read by more than 5 people. That would be pretty sweet. But, until then.....

I say good day sir!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Why you dont play I spy with cats

"It's like Cryogenic Napalm"

Dear Lord I think I've found that fun thing I want to do this weekend. 

when I googled "Cryogenic" to make sure I was spelling it right another site had a comment under the video that said "Haha, when you said cryogenic napalm I instantly wanted to make it." I agree.
Ive always been a little bit of a pyro, nothing serious although Andrew and I did once light snow on fire. But now, having watched about thirty videos of things being frozen I think I almost might be converted into a Cryo. of course, it is possible that its not fire or freezing that I am obsessed with but destruction. Actually I am pretty sure its destruction.

pretty slick. except for the whole being on camera thing.

Apparently if you rob a bank with a note the best way to avoid being found guilty is to eat the evidence. Too bad cops have dash cams. Oh and he had the bag of money and exploded dye packs in his car.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I miss the old Muppets.

Seriously I miss the muppets. Does anyone own the old movies? Like I'm thinking a great Muppet caper. Yeah Im that kind of old school. Hah. No but seriously when I was a kid Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem  were totally my favorites, only topped by Gonzo the Great, this sounds retarded but I thought he was so awesome. I totally identified with his not knowing who he was and where he fit into everything and even though that bothered him being proud of it at the same time. Whats weird about the muppets and my love of them though was that I was afraid of the fraggles. Im pretty sure it was because there were monsters in fraggle rock who wanted to eat things. Along those same lines I was afraid of shiny town station or whatever Thomas the tank engine is really called because of the tiny conductor and the people inside of the jukebox. Small people make me nervous. This is of course something you cant go around advertising because then dwarfs are offended not only because you called them a midget but that they make you nervous because you cant trust people who are that small.
You know who is small and cool though? Reducto from Harvey Birdman. if you don't know Harvey Birdman I am disappointed in you. I don't even have cable and I know that show.
this is a lot of content. and not much video. so.
Im done