Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Zombie survival guide part 2


DC/ZC is just over a week away now. (which incidentally i posted the wrong like not, the correct link is HERE)

So I bring you part 2 of my survival guide.

2. Why a gun won't save your life.

Seems counter-intuitive doesn't it? But when you really get down to it you can see just how impractical a gun is.

First and foremost, zombies are awesome. So awesome that they almost aren't worth killing(re-killing?). So obviously we have to do something even more awesome to rid ourselves of the inconvenience the present us. It may seem cool to shoot a gun and blow their heads off, blow them up etc... etc... But it really comes down to the fact that with a little training anyone can use a gun. And thats just scary.

Once your dolt of a friend/ survival buddy has a gun you have to rely on them not to shoot you. That means you have to trust them. Obviously this can't be accomplished because at some point or another they will probably betray you, shoot you or just leave you because your a slow ass. You just can't have this.

So now your probably wondering "well gee, what could I possibly use that alleviates me of the problem of this dolt shooting me?"

Two words : Melee weapons.

This may seem like some kind of movie or video game idea, but stick with me here. First and foremost you no longer have to worry about getting shot on accident (or on purpose if no one likes you). Second you look really cool when your carrying a sword, axe, tire iron etc... It's a fact.

So as you can see melee weapons are the obvious solution to all your weapon problems in the impending zombie epidemic. Unless you get caught in a giant horde of them. In which case you will want to check back soon for:

Part 3: Cars, why they will kill you faster than your recently deceased friends.

(as previously stated you probably shouldn't take my advice if a zombie outbreak does occur. Also these tips are not suitable for a bear infestation either)

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