Monday, January 18, 2010

Are there really people out there that dumb? (An open letter to a fellow blogger.)

Dear Jasmine Lopez,

Are you really a real person?

Are there really people out in the world who will pay you for facebook accounts with friends? Is there honestly someone out there who would give you $45 for a thousand friends? Could you introduce me to this person so I could be mean to them?

Are you seriously making cash money with every tweet? That seems so awesome, at my stupid real job I'm stuck making digital money. Which though it pays my bills and buys me tasty snacks that will one day give me diabetes is no where near as satisfying as having someone send me sweaty crumpled one dollar bills every time I tweet. Hell even if they weren't mailing me a dollar a tweet I would still be excited to get dimes in the mail everyday.

Where are these Mafia wars guides? I don't play the thing because I don't approve of text based violence, but maybe if I had a sweet walk through I could build a mega-don-boss and burn down farmville so people would stop asking me to help them build their barn. Of course the people of aquarium town would probably have their fish splash about and get water all over the fire to save the sad lost cows.

Hows being a twenty-five year old, single mother, hooters girl, in NY NY going for you? Why is it that like half of the hooters girls when I have found out about their personal lives turn out to be single mothers? Does hooters have some box you can check on the application that says "fit single mother?" that means hired? I don't know what stance to take on that one so I hope not because then I might have to stop objectifying women I've never met based on their place of employment and that would make me sad.

Why don't you ever update your blogs? Don't get me wrong we dropped off for a while too but we got back into the swing of it you will find that it really isn't that hard as long as you just start putting what you are thinking about into this thing. Unless of course you are dead. I read once that attractive single mothers in NYC get killed a lot. I hope you are not dead, then how would people ever get lots of friends on facebook, beat mafia wars, or make mad cash money on twitter?

Any-ways, don't think I am starting to try and start shit with you or anything I am just concerned for your safety and the mental stability of my fellow residents of the internets.
-Kaze

P.S. if you google image search your name some pretty haggard people show up, are you haggard now? I know its been almost a year, but damn girl you let yourself go.

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